I Want You to Stay
by belovedangel243
Summary: A re-write of "Graduation part II". Buffy is having a hard time with Angel leaving...will she take matters into her own hands and stand up for what she wants or will she let everyone else control her wants and needs once more? Buffy/Angel fic


**Disclaimer:** Sadly, all characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox etc. If they did belong to me, Angel/Angelus would always be in leather pants and Buffy would never sleep with Riley, or Spike (ew) and a piano would have fallen on Darla causing all the legs to splinter and stake her in the chest.

**AU Note:** This is just a little one shot I was thinking of recently. It's my way of fixing the huge mistake caused by none other than Joss. I hope everyone likes it…Enjoy!

**Rating:** I guess T for mild language and sexual references

**Spoilers:** This takes place during Graduation II so everything before this episode is up for grabs.

* * *

_**I Want You to Stay**_

It was the night before the big showdown. Tomorrow was it…Graduation day – a day for most teenagers everywhere to celebrate the passing into adulthood. A day where boys and girls everywhere got to commemorate the last twelve or so years of their lives being complete…a day where they get to look back at their past and smile, knowing that they had accomplished something and now had an exciting future to look forward to living out, except for a few select students, one of them being the young Miss Buffy Summers. Her graduation was not one of celebration and congratulations but of pain and loss. Yes there was going to be a demon attack and yes she was going to once again have to risk her life for everyone around her but at that very moment, an ascension was the last thing on her mind as she laid curled up on her bed. She was not thinking about all the good things that had happened in the past three years of her life, no, she was thinking about how her heart was slowly breaking into a million pieces and each one of those bits were crumbling into thousands. She willed her tears back as she thought about how everything went wrong. How her life got so screwed up. He was leaving her…again, except this time his soul was not moving on and he was not dying… he was just walking away from her and not even with a heartfelt goodbye. His reasoning behind it being that she deserved more…sunshine and picnics and children and even though they were all true she couldn't help but feel like he was leaving her, not for her benefit but because he just didn't care anymore…almost as if what they had, had never in fact meant anything to him. She thought about their past and everything they had been through together; The Master, Spike, The Judge, Angelus, Faith, and so on remembering how he stood by her through it all. And as she laid there wondering how it was possible that he would leave now, after everything, she let her tears fall. For hours she laid there, letting her pain out bit by bit until she was screaming in agony against her pillow, her tears continued to fall as she relived every precious moment they shared. She remembered their first kiss, their first jealous moments, their first date, and the first time he whispered he loved her and her him. She remembered their first and only night together… how his lips felt against hers as his arms encircled her. The way he whispered his love for her as his lips moved along her neck while she ran her hands through his soft hair; how his hands caressed her body as they slowly undressed each other. She remembered how his cool skin felt beneath her hands as he looked deeply into her eyes, asking for permission. She felt as though she could feel his lips move gently against hers as he slowly slid inside her for the first time. She could almost hear his soft voice as he whispered how he would never hurt her again before she begged him to keep going. She could hear their panted breaths as they wept for each other, her moans of pleasure as he softly told her how much he loved and adored her…how she was his light and his life as she came with a whimper. She could feel his body tighten as he moved above her before he swept down to kiss her passionately as he felt himself let go. And she remembered how he pulled her tightly to his body as he wrapped his arms around her, gently kissing her cheeks and eyes as he thanked her continuously for loving him, and she remembered how she drifted off to sleep in the one and only place she ever felt safe. She continued to cry, asking why and begging for it to be just one bad dream until she fell into a fitful sleep of sobs and whimpers in the early hours of the morning.

* * *

It was just hours before the big moment. Everyone was working hard trying to be ready before the ceremony. Buffy walked through the library doors with determination on her face. She knew what needed to be done and couldn't let anything get in the way no matter how much she wanted to run to Angel and beg him to stay with her. She walked towards Giles' office before stopping abruptly as the main cause of her misery was standing in that very room, his backed turned towards the door as he sorted through the weapons. She was just about to turn around when he asked,

"Did you get what you needed?"

Swallowing her pain, she walked up beside him, "Yeah I did." Attempting to look anywhere other than him, she chose the weapons laid out in front of them. "This isn't going to be enough."

"Giles is on it." He paused for a moment before asking, "How are you?"

"I heal fast, like you…So uhm are we sure everyone knows their position…"

"I'm not going to say goodbye…"

Buffy's head snapped up as he spoke, she could feel her throat starting to close as he continued to speak.

"If we get through this…I'm just going to go. Do you understand?"

She looked down quickly when she felt his eyes on her, swallowing she nodded slightly.

"There's just too much to…"

Not trusting her voice, she raised her hand to get him to stop before he continued. She could feel his eyes on her as she continued to look down before he slowly and quietly walked out the room. She breathed in deeply as she felt her eyes well up with tears. She stood there for a while allowing one single tear to fall down her cheek before gathering up the courage to do what she was supposed to do.

* * *

By the time the Graduation ceremony was about to start, Buffy's face was set in stone. No emotion was visible on her face or in her eyes. She knew what her job was and was accepting the fact that she couldn't just run away from it all…she couldn't just run back to her bed or better yet, Angel's arms and cry, she had a job to do and with that she thought that maybe, just maybe if she was lucky enough, she would save everyone and not make it out of this fight alive. That way everyone would be happy…all the people of Sunnydale would get to live another day and she wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore. She could hear Snyder welcome Mayor Wilkins to the podium, the applause rang loud all around her yet she continued to sit there motionless, just waiting until it was time. It was only moments, though it felt like years, when Mayor Wilkins started to groan in pain. Everyone watched with a morbid sense of fascination as the Mayor transformed into what could only be described as a large, slimy snake-like demon before their eyes. When everyone was ready, the fight began…flaming arrows were flying from every which way as every student in the stands was fitted with weapons, just as quick as the vampires appeared they were dust as two groups, led by Xander and Angel, mowed them down. As the hand to hand combat was taking place…Buffy spared one last glance at the love of her life, whispering a soft I love you before running towards the Mayor. Grabbing Faith's knife from the back of her jeans and holding it out, she yelled, "Hey! Remember this? I took it from Faith. Stuck it in her gut…just slid in her like she was butter."

The Mayor gnashed his sharp teeth before growling.

"Want to get it back from me…dick?"

The mayor let loose one more loud growl before Buffy took of running towards the school, the Mayor following close behind. She continued running, picking up speed as the demon barrelled through the doors before tearing through walls, attempting to catch her. Buffy burst through the library doors before she looked back…she started to slow down waiting for him to catch her…she knew what she wanted, she wanted to end the pain. Right before the mayor made it through the swinging entrance to the library, Giles yelled at her,

"Buffy! What are you doing? Hurry before he gets here!"

She looked back behind her before looking into the eyes of her Watcher. She saw the confusion before the realization flashed in his eyes, she could feel her eyes start to tear up once again as he looked at her, pure devastation on his face.

"Buffy, no! You …you can't…he wouldn't want this!"

Just as she was about to say goodbye the mayor burst through the wall in front of the Library. She could see his yellow eyes flash through the glass as he slinked towards her…an almost feral grin appearing on his face.

"Buffy please!"

She looked towards the Mayor once more before she turned and with a running force, she jumped through the window, just as the Mayor rushed through the swinging doors. Moments too late, he noticed the barrels of diesel fuel and bags of fertilizer stacked everywhere just as Giles pushed down on the plunger. As the explosion ripped through the school, Buffy looked down. Giles gently laid a hand on her shoulder before pulling her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry dear girl." He whispered to her softly as she started to shake.

* * *

By the time Buffy and Giles emerged from the back of the school, there were police cars, fire trucks and ambulances littering the street as students were being checked, some on gurneys while others were getting patched up. She stopped to look around as Xander sidled up next to her,

"We got off pretty cheap…considering."

"Yea, seems like we did."

As Xander buried his hands in his pockets he softly spoke,

"He made it through the fight. I guess uhm guess he…he took off after…"

Buffy visibly slumped and looked down, Xander, not knowing what else he could do, turned and walked away, just as Giles was making his way towards her.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm tired."

He smiled softly, "I should imagine so. It's been a quite a couple of days."

Buffy nodded quietly before speaking, "I haven't even processed everything yet…"

"Understandable. Well, if it helps, you did very well."

She swallowed hard before looking up at him. He could see the pain clearly etched on her face, "What am I going to do Giles?" she whispered.

"Honestly dear, I can't tell you."

"I…I can't even imagine…"

"I assumed that much. You have to decide Buffy, I don't know if this will hold any interest for you but I want to apologize."

She looked up at him, the question clear in her eyes.

"I…I wish I could have said this before but I was blind to it, and I didn't want to see it…but Angel, he's…he's a good man Buffy. And whatever happens tonight, next week, and so on, I want you to know that I trust you my child. You are strong and caring and you know what is best for you, I'm sorry for not giving you the credit you deserved this past year and a half."

"Thank you."

"Choose right Buffy." Giles whispered before walking away. Buffy breathed in deeply, bringing her arms up to wrap around her, she glanced down at her feet before suddenly turning around and looking towards the distance. He's still here she thought. A cloud of smoke billowed around him as their eyes locked. Minutes that felt like hours, passed by before he stepped back and slowly turned around, making the space stretch between them. Buffy watched him walk away before looking down letting her hands fall to her sides, she took a few calming breaths as she looked around her, at all her friends smiling and laughing together…with a sense of determination, she stood up tall and took off at a run. It felt like she ran for miles before she saw him walking past the Sunnydale theatre, four blocks away. She pushed herself to run faster as she yelled out his name. He stopped, but didn't turn around. She slowed down once she got close to him before coming to a completely stop.

"Angel?" She whispered.

He still didn't turn around but she could see his muscles tense.

"Please Angel, please just turn around."

He took an unneeded breath before slowly coming face to face with her, his head still down, his eyes glued to the ground. She could feel her eyes prickle with tears but kept them at bay as she inhaled deeply before speaking.

"Stay."

She got no reaction, so she took a step closer, "Stay." She repeated.

She saw him tense and inhale, but no other movement. She took another step closer before saying it again, "Stay."

His fists clenched and unclenched as he took a few breaths, but still no other reaction. She swallowed the lump in her throat, taking another step closer, "Stay."

He inhaled sharply before he started to tremble slightly but still kept his head down. She let out a breath, taking one last step towards him and whispered, "Stay…Angel."

He could feel her heat and see the tops of her shoes before he inhaled and slowly lifted his head to lock eyes with hers. He noticed her swallow before she bit her bottom lip and then whispered once more, "Stay Angel…please stay with me."

He could see the tears in her eyes and smell her pain but he couldn't move. He took a few shuddering breaths before softly speaking, "I … Buffy I… I can't."

She trembled before looking up into his deep brown eyes…asking the simple but most painful question, "Why? Do…do you not love me anymore?"

He drew in a sharp breath when he heard her speak. She sounded so little and alone.

"Buffy of course I still love you …you know I do."

"No! No I don't Angel because how can you love me but walk away from me?"

"Buffy I already told you…"

"Are you talking about the 'oh so wonderful sewer talk' Angel? Hmm? Are you talking about when you told me you were breaking up with me because of picnics and sunshine or are you talking about when you told me you didn't want your life to be with me anymore?"

He didn't know what to say…he'd never seen this side of her before…she never got mad at him, she was always calm or sad, never angry.

"Answer me Angel!"

"Buffy I…I don't know what you want me to say. I can't stay, you deserve more than …than this."

"Who are you to decide that? When did it become your sole decision Angel? What about what I want? Doesn't that matter?"

"Of course it does Buffy."

"Then why won't you let me be apart of this decision instead of just saying you don't want me anymore?"

"Damn it Buffy! I want you, you know I do … I want you so bad it nearly kills me, is that what you want to hear?"  
"Yes! God Angel, you say you love me and you say you want me, what else is there? If what you say is true then why are you walking away?"

"I can't give you anything you deserve! I can't take you for walks in the sunlight, I can't have picnics with you, and I can't give you children…god I can't even make love to you!"

"Why are those things so important to you Angel?"

"Because Buffy, you deserve those things…you should be in the sunlight where you belong, not kept to the shadows with the monsters."

"God damn it Angel! Stop putting me on a damn pedestal all the time…I don't belong there! I am not perfect, I make mistakes and I don't belong in the sunlight! I'm the Slayer Angel…"

"I know what you are Buffy…"

"No, I don't think you really do… have you ever really thought about it Angel? What I do?"

"All the time."

"Really…what do I hunt Angel?"

"Buffy stop…this is rid…"

"No Angel! Humour me…What do I hunt?"

He sighed before answering, "Demons…and vampires."

"Yes and when do I hunt?"

"At night."

"Exactly…I am surrounded by darkness. The demons I hunt and kill, with my bare hands Angel…they aren't fluffy, little bunnies. They are killers, they thrive in the darkness, and I hunt them at night Angel…my life is all about the dark. I was born with this, I was meant to live in the shadows, so what makes you think I'm supposed to be in the light?"

"Buffy…"

"No, we need to talk about this…I'm not some naive little girl Angel. I know what I want."

"Do you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you really know what you want Buffy? You're young and so full of spirit and…"

"What are you trying to say Angel? Do you think that my feelings for you aren't …aren't real? Is that why you're leaving?"

"Buffy …please just stop… this isn't going to chan…"

"Why do you think I don't love you Angel?"

"…"

"Tell me! I mean because I thought I was pretty clear on how I felt towards you."

"Its not that I don't believe you… but you are young and like your mom said…"

"My mom?"

He visibly swallowed. "Buffy…"

"What did my mom say Angel?"

"Its not..."

"Did she say that it was just a crush Angel? Is that what she said to you?"

"She's not the only one who thinks so Buffy." He whispered softly.

She let out a short hysterical laugh before asking, "And you decided they know my feelings more than me? You decided to believe what everyone else said over what I say?"

"Buffy…"

"No Angel I need to say this…whether you still plan on leaving after or not, I need to tell you. I hated my life even before I became the slayer and when I did, it was like life couldn't get worse. I hated it so much that I rejected it…I lost everything because of this life… my friends, my dad, my mother's trust, everything. We moved here after that, and surprise surprise, I had to deal with it here too. When I got to Sunnydale, I pushed my calling away again thinking life wasn't fair and that I shouldn't have to deal with all this. Do you know what happened next?"

"…"

"I met you. It turned out being the slayer wasn't so bad… I didn't mind it at all actually because I got to see you. You were cryptic as hell and I didn't know a thing about you but I wanted it anyways…I wanted you. Being around you was a rush and then, even though, in the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn't, I started to fall for you. Did you know that no one has ever saved me before that night when we fought The Three? I felt safe with you; you risked your life for me. And then you kissed me. And it was like everything fell into place…"

"Then you found out what I was." His head dropped back down in shame.

"Yeah, and I still wanted you."

His head snapped back up. She smiled softly before continuing.

"You brought me back to life, and then let me cry in your arms. Again, no one has ever been there for me like that. You became my life Angel. I didn't mind going out and having to slay demons or vampires or what ever big bad was out there each night because you were there. Fighting with me, protecting me, making me feel normal because you didn't care for me as The Slayer, you cared for me as Buffy…me. I never felt more normal then with you. You gave me everything and never asked for a thing in return."

"I don't…"

"I'm not finished Angel," she admonished gently. "Then you told me you loved me. Did you know that that moment was the happiest time of my life too? You… you disappeared after that, and even though I knew you were gone, I still thought about you every minute of every day and night. My life revolved around you and I couldn't kill Angelus because he looked like you, and in the back of my mind I kept hoping and praying you would come back to me somehow. You did," she whimpered, "and, my god, when you came back, I felt like I could die. You held me and you told me you loved me and you missed me and I…I killed you." By this point her tears that she had tried so hard to hold back came rushing out. "I killed you and then I left everything behind because it hurt to breathe. I couldn't walk anywhere through this town with out seeing you. So I ran, hoping that just maybe, I would be okay…and you know what? It wasn't, I could still hear you, feel you… smell you. You wormed your way into my body, soul and heart and never let go. It got to the point where I was wishing that Angelus was still here just so I could see you, touch you. I finally got up enough strength to understand that you weren't coming back to me, and then you did! You couldn't even talk… but you saved my life again. I sent you to hell and you still came back to me. And when you dropped to your knees and held me, my heart, it slowly started putting itself back together because you were home, my life was back. And yeah, I still tried to move on because everyone wanted it…I didn't but no one asked me what I wanted. I tried so damn hard to stop you from making your way back into my heart Angel…so hard and yet you still clawed your way back in. I meant what I said that night up by the mansion on Christmas. I loved you, I still love you and I will always love you. Whether you or anybody else in this stupid town believes me, I do. When you told me you didn't want to be with me anymore…I cried every night and when you were dying on that bed I gave my life for you and then tonight, I almost didn't make it out of that library. I didn't want to! It hurts more than it did when you died Angel. Knowing you would be out there but not with me, hurts me more than you not being here at all. Knowing you're there but not being able to run to you kills me. I need you Angel, my life …I'll die if you leave me. Please, please, please don't leave me again. I can't live this life or any other life without you." By now, her tears were falling freely down her cheeks. She wasn't sure what else she could say to get him to understand. "Angel, I don't need the sunshine to be happy, I don't like picnics because ants always ruin them, I don't want children if they aren't yours…and whether we can make love or not…I don't want another man to ever be where only you should be...where you belong. You fit me perfectly Angel, you know all there is to know about me and still love me … I couldn't ask for anything more." She couldn't make herself look into his eyes as she waited. It felt like eons had passed without him saying anything, with a final sniffle and a sigh she turned around, shoulders hunched forward. She walked roughly four steps before she felt his hand wrap gently around her arm and him softly whisper her name. She slowly turned around, looking into his eyes.

"Angel?"

Before she could get any other words out, he kissed her. His lips moving over hers continuously… waiting for her to respond. When she finally did, it was with a soft whimper before she wrapped her arms around his neck, sliding her fingers into his hair and opening her mouth to let their tongues meet in a sensual dance. He groaned, pulling her more tightly against his body, his arms wrapping securely around her. They kissed for long minutes before she finally felt the need to breathe. He didn't let go of her though…instead moving his lips down to her neck kissing along the scar he left on her body just days ago before. Moving one hand up to brush the hair from her face, he spoke softly,

"Buffy…"

"Don't Angel…please don't speak unless the next words that are going to come out of your mouth are ones saying that you aren't leaving me and that you love me."

"Buffy…"

"I mean if you still want to leave I'll come with you, we can go away somewhere, some place where they will never find us."

"Mo chroi…"

"Please Angel?"

She looked up at him with such sadness and hope in her eyes that he couldn't help but kiss her lips softly once more before speaking,

"Beloved…I love you, and I don't want to live without you."

Tears shimmered in her eyes once again when what he said registered.

"You're not leaving me?"

"Buffy…I never wanted to leave you and right now I'm thinking with my heart instead of my mind…and I am going to be selfish instead of trying to do the right thing…" He took another deep breath before continuing, "I'll stay…if you'll have me?"

She closed her eyes, a few tears slipping out, before gracing him with the biggest, brightest smile he'd seen in months. The next words she spoke shook him to the core and made him wonder if he would lose his soul again.  
"I don't nor will I ever want anybody else. I love you my Angel."

He smiled at her softly, tightening his hold on her, kissing her thoroughly. They stood there, not knowing for how long, kissing and caressing in the street with the stars above them. They couldn't ask for more. Just before dawn, the couple walked hand in hand towards the mansion, sharing soft, gentle kisses here and there before crawling into bed, wrapped up in each other's embrace, knowing that, that was where they were meant to be.

* * *

I hope you liked it :D Feel free to click that little button below and let me know what you thought

P.S. mo chroi means my heart :)


End file.
